i already hear my dad disowning me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
