Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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