You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
