Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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