3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
