If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
