I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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