Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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