I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
