Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize