I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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