Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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