I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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