Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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