I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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