:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
