I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How does one acquire holy water?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize