The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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