I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
