You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I want a musical about memes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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