Everything about him screamed your future.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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