I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i dont even know how to be here
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
