I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
