I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
