So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
