It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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