Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
