I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
