Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
