I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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