i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I want is dick and wine.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize