Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
