I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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