is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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