You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
