were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
