I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Panties = found
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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