I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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