I'm eating all of the evidence.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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