I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
