At least make sure they are 18
Why
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
