omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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