I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
