You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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