I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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