Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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