Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
