Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
