Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We named our party play list daddy issues
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
