Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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