Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
