So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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