when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
