Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize