She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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