what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
