i think my mom watched the whole time
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
