Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just puked most of my soul out..
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