Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Found the puke drawer
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
