I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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