im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
