once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
