Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
not ubering you a puppy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
