I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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