my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
