His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
