I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
