All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
