Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
