I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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