There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
