pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
