Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
