she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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