i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
