Someone shit on the floor
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
