i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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