Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someone shattered a urinal.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
