This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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