So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
porn star boner night. come get it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize