you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
