One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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