There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
