38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
