If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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