I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
