you guys were way drunker than both of me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
