Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
