fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize