his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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