I think I died a long time ago.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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