I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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