batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i out mim tonsoeep
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
