WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No subtext here. People are naked.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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