Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
