I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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