Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
