I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
