I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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