In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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