This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
