Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
