i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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