my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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