I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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